


addiction

by AncientGlory



Series: the misadventures of sherlock holmes and john watson [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drugs, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, Hurt Sherlock, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 14:04:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15220787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AncientGlory/pseuds/AncientGlory
Summary: Ah, the sweet voice of addiction.It had curled around him on a regular basis, whispering its sweet nothings into his ear- but he had shut it out, for him. For John, mostly. Mycroft, Mrs. Hudson, Mary, Molly… None so as important as the man he loved, his dear Watson, though they were important nonetheless. It was especially strong when he was at his moments of weakness; that was when it took over his thoughts.





	addiction

Ah, the sweet voice of addiction.

It had curled around him on a regular basis, whispering its sweet nothings into his ear- but he had shut it out, for him. For John, mostly. Mycroft, Mrs. Hudson, Mary, Molly… None so as important as the man he loved, his dear Watson, though they were important nonetheless. It was especially strong when he was at his moments of weakness; that was when it took over his thoughts.

* * *

 _Just give in… just a little. They don’t_ care _about you… you’re merely a necessary evil to balance out their own innocence. Listen to me. Look at those two._

Sherlock allowed himself to begrudgingly listen to it and glanced down from the podium at which he was playing the song he had written out for John and Mary. They were so… happy. Smiling at each other like they were each other’s world. Envy struck at his heart, swift and fatal.

_Ah, Sherlock, giving in won’t be so hard now, won’t it? I’m in your head now. Listen to me once more: what makes you think you deserve him? Her? Any one of them? I could help you forget all-_

No. Not right now. Not at John’s wedding.

 _Not at his wedding? You already got a taste of me when you solved that near-murder, Locksy. You can’t escape. He_ doesn’t need you _!_

He snapped his eyes shut, and continued to play. When a tinge of sorrow hit the notes, buffeting at the edges of the vibrato, John looked up from where he held Mary in his arms, trying to meet Sherlock’s eyes. But he only met a wall that was erected between them.

* * *

He had seen the bullet fly at him, he knew he should've been more on guard. This secretary was like him, so very bored, so _unpredictable, yearning_ for something that would break that boredom- she wanted to have a surprise. What better surprise to escape the dreary ordinariness of modern life than to break another's whole life into shatters?

Sherlock swore he could hear the addiction whispering again as he stared down at Mary's body, clutched in the hands of the man he loved. _See?_ It began to whisper once more, plaguing his mind. _You never deserved them, you utter fool. You just caused the ending of a life. A life for a life. A currency that_ you don't know how to spend, _Locksy._

He continued to stare down in shock at the body, at John. John had ducked his head into the crook of Mary’s shoulder, burying his head into the crevice between her shoulder and her bosom. A low, guttural sound came out of him as he rocked back and forth with grief.

“You…”

Sherlock stayed silent.

“You made a vow!” John was roaring at him, those four words cutting into him from the shards of glass that was their friendship.

_Ah, darling, look at that. He’s mad. You couldn’t keep the petty vow you made at the night you hated… the night they got married! How entertaining-_

_“Shut up!”_ He had hissed at the voice inside his head with thoughts of his own.

_Oh dear, the little pirate fights back._

John continued to yell, and Sherlock’s world wouldn’t stop spinning.

* * *

_Isn’t this so much fun, dear?_

Sherlock gazed up at the addiction that had taken form of a figure. It didn’t have any obvious gender, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. It caressed his face, leaning in. He gave a bitter smirk to it. Ah, yes. Fun.

He had succumbed to the addiction, started using again. His hands shook, his head hurt, but oh God, the high he got. It was a friend that he had forgotten that soon became intertwined with him once more. Closing his eyes, he wallowed in it.

 _Yes, yes! The high you get, right?_ It had read his mind. _I’m always going to be here for you, my darling._

If only the addiction knew that he was doing this for John. He couldn’t defy Mary’s wishes. He needed to save John. He needed to go to Hell, and John would save him. And then he would save John.

_Darliiiiiing… why are you thinking about him? Aren’t I the only one you need?_

No… he had to save- he had to save John.

_Forget him. He told you that he would want anybody else but you taking care of his child. Why would he want you now?_

John…

_No, no, no, no, no... FORGET HIM! I AM THE ONLY ONE, THE ONE YOU NEED TO FEED, THE ONLY ONE WHO’LL KEEP YOU AFLOAT! LISTEN TO ME-_

“Sherlock?”

His eyes snapped open. It couldn’t be. But there he was, same as ever, looking down at him with a disapproving stare. The voice and the figure… it was gone. He whipped his head around to find it, but it had completely vanished. “What the bloody hell are you doing?” John had asked him, and Sherlock blinked at him.

He cleared his throat. “I’m… I’m doing this for you.” His voice was raspy and broken, since he hadn’t talked to anyone for a while. Well, except that time one, two, three, four, well, many days ago when he had hollered at Mrs. Hudson to leave him alone. John tilted his head to the side, then looked around the room that hadn’t had its windows opened since the day he started using once more. “Why? I wouldn’t want you to do this. You know I wouldn’t.”

Confusion struck him.

“Why are you talking like that? Why- oh, I see. You’re not real, aren’t you?”

John- no, non-John- scoffed. “Well, if I’m real to you, I am.”

“To which you are not.”

“Then I’m not.”

“But I want you to be.”

John gave him a smile as bitter as the one Sherlock had thrown to the figure moments before. “Then believe that I am. I won’t mind. I’m just a figment of your imagination.”

Then he disappeared. Sherlock jumped up from his chair, but it was much too fast, and his head began to spin even more and the world seemed to be shaking. “John,” he groaned, as he screwed his eyes shut through the dizziness. “Please, come back. I’m… I’m sorry!” Only silence met him, and he felt the pressure of the addiction’s gloom over his shoulders again. However, the voice was gone as well, and now he truly was alone.

* * *

He had just finished yelling at the skull painting on his wall when not-John appeared.

“Sherlock, that painting did nothing to you.”

Sherlock whirled around. This time, instead of yearning for John, he was filled with rage.

“Don’t you fucking dare! Don’t you damn dare! Not… not with his voice. Not this time.” The rage quickly dissipated and Non-John gave him a sad smile.

“Please… just go away.”

“No, Sherlock. You visualized me here for a reason.”

“Yes, and I’m sorry for that, but please, leave me.”

“Well, you know best.”

“Well, then, goodbye, dear Watson-”

He turned around, only to find that the hallucination had disappeared. He let out a hysterical giggle and picked up another needle. For the  _real_  John. He plunged it into his skin.

* * *

Sherlock’s John hadn’t appeared in a while, so he decided to try to force it to appear. He pointed his loaded gun to his head. No reaction. Now, the _real_ John would have ran up to him, knocked the gun out of his hand, and held his face as he yelled at Sherlock. But nothing happened. Holding a knife to his neck didn’t warrant a reaction, but it did from Bill, the silly little chemist. Billy had yelled at him, pulled the knife away, threw it to the side. Sherlock had yelled back. How dare he? He was trying to get the hallucination of the love of his life back. Now that he said it aloud, it sounded much worse. “You… you’re crazy.”

Sherlock scoffed in his face. “Took you a while to notice, didn’t it, Wiggins?”

“That’s it, I’m getting Mrs. Hudson.”

Sherlock let out a little groan. “Please, anything but that old wench.”

Bill took a step away from him, cautious. “I thought… I thought that you liked her?”

“Who bloody cares anymore?!” He picked up the knife from the corner of which it had landed in and pointed it at him.

He ran out.

Sherlock took a packet of white powder this time.

“No, Sherlock, don’t.”

He groaned, preparing to yell. “I told you Bobby, do not disturb me when I am-”

Stopping short, he gazed upon his non-John.

He gasped. “John? Is that you?”

“Well, who else could you possibly imagine when on drugs?”

“I… I missed you.”

“I could tell. Please stop taking drugs. I’m sure the real one would very much mind if you continued on the way you’re going now.”

He scoffed. “Please do stop separating yourself from the real one. Doesn’t make much of a difference now.”

“Were you about to take that packet of cocaine just to see me again?”

Sherlock looked down at the baggy, suddenly tired.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to see and hear John before I go insane.”

“Well, I’m here now.”

Sherlock opened the packet. 

"Talk to me, before I go insane for your sake."

"Will that stop you from 'going insane for my sake'?"

"No."

**Author's Note:**

> this is part one of my non-linear series, the misadventures of sherlock holmes!! basically just a bunch of prompts that get me going... i also have two other stories in progress that im not so into anymore, but if you could check them out, that'd be great!!!!!! i know my writing is pretty sub-par compared to the other fanfics in this fandom, but i'd really appreciate it if you left kudos, a comment, or whatever to show your affection for this story if you did like it! toodles~  
> ::AG::


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